Never Fallen from Quite this High
by towalkinyourlight
Summary: Gert wasn't avoiding Chase. Really. She just wasn't not avoiding him.


Gert wasn't avoiding Chase. Really.

She just wasn't _not_ avoiding him.

In her defense, it wasn't exactly like they'd had a lot of opportunities for conversation. Between running from their parents and scrounging for supplies and rescuing Karolina from the church, the hours since the dance had been pretty busy. Not that she'd want to have a conversation about what had happened, anyways; she wasn't sure she'd be able to stomach it, especially without her anxiety meds. After weeks of keeping their parents' horrible secret locked up inside, culminating with the confrontation the night before, she was feeling a little emotionally fraught. Not to mention, it hadn't even been half a day since she'd said goodbye to Old Lace, and the absence had left a gaping hole in her chest that she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to fill again.

Yet, every other thought seemed to draw her back to Chase. The weight of what they'd done, what they'd said, hung heavy between them every time they looked at each other, like a millstone around their necks, threatening to pull them under. She could see the kaleidoscope of emotions flash over his face every time they made eye contact, before he'd quickly tear his gaze away. He'd always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve. It was confusing, and her mind was jumping back and forth between worst case scenarios. _He doesn't like you the way that you like him and now you've made it awkward_ , it hissed, before its companion joined the fray with an equally dreadful possibility: _he likes you, just like you like him, and now you've gone and pushed him away._

Readjusting her position by the fire, she stared ahead at the sunset burning a hazy red over the city she'd known all her life. Bright tendrils of color stretched through the sky, to be quickly extinguished by the approaching darkness. Beside her, Molly's head slowly dropped to her shoulder, exhaustion threatening to take over. It had been a long day-weeks, really-for all of them, and Gert couldn't fault her sister for crashing wherever she sat. Across the fire, Nico caught a glimpse of Molly's slumping form and cleared her throat.

"I think we should call it a night." She informed the group. Karolina, who had her head in Nico's lap, sat up and let out a huge yawn, while Chase nodded, standing up.

"Probably a good idea. We've got an early morning tomorrow." Chase assented, reaching up to stretch his arms. Risking a glance at Gert, his harried face softened when he saw Molly's sleeping form. It made Gert's heart pound, how he stared at her sister with so much fondness. For as long as she could remember, it had always been her and Molly against the world; always the odd ones out, always the misfits, even among their group. To see someone openly and unabashedly love Molly like he did was touching, and she quickly blinked away tears that were inexplicably rising to her eyes. Looking over at her sister, she gave her shoulder a gentle shake.

"Mols, get up, we're going to move into the van to sleep." Gert crouched and leaned forward, trying to wake Molly as gently as she could. Instead of listening, though, Molly just groaned, smacked away her hand, and rolled over to face away from the fire. With a sigh of exasperation, she tipped back onto her heels, only to find Chase watching them with amusement.

"What?" Gert snapped, a slight panic rising in throat. She hated how exposed she felt under his gaze. A flickering of hurt crossed his face at her tone, and guilt pooled low in her stomach.

"Let me carry her over; if she was able to fall asleep, there's no reason to wake her now." He said quietly, crouching down to pull Molly into his arms. She curled reflexively into his chest, seeming so much smaller in sleep.

"Thanks." Gert muttered, trailing close behind him as he carried Molly to the van like it was effortless. As they walked, the dying firelight danced off the muscles in his back, sending shadows across his arms flexed tightly to carry the weight. It seemed like a lifetime ago that those same arms were wrapped around her, gently swaying with her in that empty room, slipping her dress off her shoulders, pulling her to the ground with him. Shivering slightly, she ran her hands up and down her arms to ward off the chill, but all it did was serve as a reminder of his hands doing the same thing barely a day ago, barely hours ago. She could almost still feel his touch; given that running away didn't afford much opportunity for showers, she hadn't yet been able to wash off the tingling feel of his skin against hers-

"Gert!" His earnest voice made her jump. Coming back to reality, she saw that he'd set Molly down and was tucking a spare jacket under her sleeping head. Behind her, she could hear the quiet hiss of steam as Karolina and Nico doused out the fire with water. "Are you okay? I lost you there for a sec."

"Um, yeah." She shook her head. "I'm fine." He shot her a confused look, which she chose to ignore. Instead, she climbed into the van, trying to come to terms with the fact that all six of them were going to have to be crammed into the space. It was bad enough that she couldn't bring herself to talk to him about what had happened, now she'd have to try and convince herself to sleep while he was sleeping just feet away from her. After what they'd done, after how she felt, it felt like an impossible task. Sleeping Chase had always been one of her favorite Chases. He wore a lot of masks-an effort to cover up his emotional vulnerability, she supposed-but in sleep, there was no need for them. He didn't have to be the popular lacrosse player, or Victor Stein's son, or even a member of their group. He could just be himself, with untroubled brow and a soft smile that turned up the corner of his mouth.

Crouching in the confined space, she worked around a silent Chase, who was rearranging the bags of spare clothes to make room for the group. Molly had curled up facing the front of the van, so after making sure she had a bag to cushion her head, Gert tried to settle down on the floor next to her. Taking off her glasses, she screwed up her eyes, listening to the faint rustling of Chase moving around the van. After a few moments, she heard faint conversation growing slowly in volume, and opened her eyes to see Karo and Nico approaching. To her irritation, the second Nico saw Gert and Chase, she stopped walking, putting a hand on Karolina's shoulder.

"We're… going to take a walk." Nico informed them, the casual tone of her voice far too forced. "See if Alex is back yet." Karo made a move to question her, but she just grabbed her arm, and pulled her to the tree line.

Letting out a frustrated huff, Gert tried again to choke back the panicky feeling rising through her lungs. The situation was bad enough as it was; Nico trying to play cupid didn't exactly help. If she was anyone else, shoving her headfirst into an uncomfortable situation might have been the best way to resolve it. However, she was not anyone else; she was Gert Yorkes, and she'd never been one to handle uncomfortable situations with grace, even when she was properly-medicated Gert Yorkes. Even now, with the possibility of having to confront Chase about her feelings for him hanging heavy on the horizon, she could feel her lungs and chest tightening under a vice-like influence. Did the van seem smaller than before?

Her attention was suddenly drawn to him when he hopped out of the van with a slight grunt, ratty blanket in one hand and backpack with his fistigons in the other.

"What're you doing?" She questioned, pushing up onto her elbows, eyeing the objects in his hands. "We need all the blankets inside the van. You know, for sleeping?" He tossed the blanket over his shoulder, not turning to look at her.

"I'm gonna sleep out here tonight." His voice was tight, despite his effort to make it sound casual. "There really isn't enough room in there for all of us to fit comfortably." Gert stared at him for a moment, then spoke again.

"You're joking, right?" She hissed, lowering her voice when Molly stirred next to her. "You can't just hang out in the open, asleep and-and vulnerable. Other than being on the run from our psycho serial killer parents, who have apparently endless resources at their fingertips, there's wild animals out there, and in case you've already forgotten, we don't have a prehistoric guard dog to watch out for us anymore." He winced at the words, though it didn't bring the satisfaction that Gert hoped it would. Her heart was pounding even harder now; somehow, the worry of him sleeping away from her was just as bad-or even worse-than the worry of him sleeping next to her. Honestly, it was a wonder she understood her feelings for him at all.

"All the more reason I should be out here, then, instead of you, or Molly, or Karo, or Nico. Acceptable casualties." He deadpanned, folding his arms over his chest. The edge in his voice was a little too much for her to handle, and she wanted nothing more than to reach out to him, let him know that nobody thought he was an acceptable casualty, least of all her. Before she could stop herself, however, she fell back into the protection of the dry sarcasm she'd employed so readily when she felt insecure.

"Oh, give me a break, Chase. I'm sorry that your chauvinistic world views have brainwashed you to think that you, a male, have to subject yourself to hardship to protect us females and our 'fragility,' but any one of us would be fine to sleep outside. Karolina and Molly literally have super powers. Besides, you don't even need to, there's enough room in here." As if on instinct, she patted the floor next to where she lay. "You can fit right there, and that leaves plenty of room for Karolina and Nico on that side. And Alex, I guess, if he ever shows back up." She finished with a huff. He was staring at her with wary eyes, unsure and unsteady. She couldn't really blame him, they'd barely spent a moment alone all day, and now she was requesting-or demanding, really-that he sleep right next to her.

He hesitated for a moment, before climbing back into the van and shutting the door behind him. Shrugging off his jacket, he moved to where she was laying. For a moment, he hovered over her, mouth open slightly like he wanted to say something, but the moment passed and he was laying down next to her. She refused to look at him, but she could sense how rigid his body was. Swallowing thickly, she tried to breathe through her racing heart, but she couldn't even tell if it was because she was panicking or because her mind was jumping back to 24 hours ago, when they'd been lying next to each other for an entirely different reason. Maybe it was both? Everything was so complicated, and, yep, she was definitely panicking. Screwing her eyes shut, she tried to block out her thoughts, the panic, the flashes of sweat-beaded skin, the overwhelming sense of feeling everything at once.

"Are you okay?" His voice cut through the fog in her head like a lighthouse. "You're shivering." Sure enough, she was, trembling from head to toe. How long had she been cold?

"Here, take my jacket." He offered, sitting up, to remove it from where he'd balled it up under his head.

"Chase, you don't have to do that-" She started, voice shaky, but he was already leaning over her, placing the jacket tenderly over her, tucking in the sides. It was so soft, and loving, and so very, very Chase. Heart still frantically beating out an irregular beat, she just watched him as he tucked her in before laying back down himself.

"Thanks." She whispered, bringing the jacket a little closer up to her face. It smelled like him.

"Don't mention it." He muttered, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw him fold his arms over his chest. "I don't really need it. Being a human space heater is but one of the benefits of having a rockin bod'." Gert could almost feel the smirk radiating off him, but all she could manage was a choked chuckle.

"Are you really okay?" He turned to look at her, she could feel his gaze on her. "You're breathing really fast."  
"I just," She panted. "I'm having a panic attack. Downside of leaving my meds at home."

"Really?" He sounded startled, concern lacing his words. "Just...just focus on your breathing, yeah? Here," He shifted closer, until their arms were almost touching. "Listen to me breathe and… and copy it. Okay?"

"Okay." She choked out, an unwilling tear leaking out her eye down the side of her cheek. Trying to listen to him over the panicked beating of her heart, she concentrated solely on the sound of his breaths; deep, calming breaths that became easier and easier to replicate. Slowly, her heart slowed, and the vice around her chest eased up. The worries didn't disappear, they never would, but she felt more prepared to face them. Not that she needed his protection, but being with him had always made her feel safe. From the time they were little and she had scraped her knee and he reassured her while he sent Alex to get a band-aid, or when they were in middle and he'd stepped in between her and a furious Victor Stein with a scowl more determined than she'd ever seen, or even just a few weeks ago after they'd found Old Lace and he let her cling to him, he'd always been her protector. Her brother-in-arms. The thought brought comfort, more now than she would've ever thought it would.

"Better?" He whispered after what could have been an eternity or ten minutes.

"Better." She assured him, risking a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He was staring contemplative at the ceiling, barely visible in the darkness. As she watched, he gulped, Adam's apple bobbing in his neck.

"Gert, I think we need to talk. About...about what happened." His quiet voice all but whispered from inches away. Gert swallowed thickly, heart beginning to race again.

"There's nothing to talk about." She managed, voice barely audible. Her stomach fluttered anxiously. She could feel the panic rising again, but this time it was different, the nervous energy combined with sadness and intense fondness. "It was a one-time thing, right?" She hated the words as they left her mouth.

He didn't speak for a moment, and Gert cursed herself internally. Why did she always screw things up? Why couldn't she just let herself be honest? She wanted so badly to tell him how she felt, but the wall around her heart was too strong a defense for even her to defeat.

"I don't think I want it to be a one-time thing." He breathed, and her heart stopped. Frozen, mind racing, she watched as he lifted his hand hesitantly from his side, reaching over to grab hers where she'd slipped it out from under his jacket.

"You don't?" She whispered, forcing herself to look at him. He was already staring at her, eyes wide and full of emotion. She could feel his hand wrapped around hers, his thumb brushing soft circles on the back of her fingers.

"I understand if that's what you want," He continued, his blue eyes trained directly on hers. "That's fine, if you want it to stay a one-time thing. I just… our future is so uncertain, and I couldn't go any longer without letting you know how I feel.

"I really like you, Gert. I always have." He finished, voice barely audible. He was always so easy to read, but she'd never seen him look quite so vulnerable. This was it, her favorite Chase: mask-less and soft, completely and unreservedly honest. Taking a deep breath, she plunged into the defenses blocking her heart.

"I don't want it to be a one-time thing, either." She replied, and his face grew into a grin. "I'm sorry I said I did, it was just a-"

"Defense mechanism?" He finished with a smirk. She sent him a glare that didn't convey much irritation. In fact, a bubble of happiness was growing in her chest; small and fragile, but there.

"Right." She smiled softly. "I just, I was so worried that it didn't mean to you what it did to me, and… I just couldn't deal with that possibility, because I really like you too, Chase. More than I care to admit." His grin seemed ready to split his face.

"I really like you, too." He grinned, pulling her fingers close to him, pressing gentle kisses on the back of her knuckles.

"You already said that." She tried so hard to sound unaffected, she really did.

"I'm gonna keep saying it." He smiled at her, so softly, resting their clasped hands on his stomach. "And I'm gonna mean it. Every time." She managed an eye roll.

"Would you look at that. Testosterone-fueled popular-jock Chase Stein is a romantic." She muttered, shifting slightly to turn on her side to face him. With the softest eyes she'd ever seen, he tilted his head forward to press a kiss like a whisper on her forehead.

"What can I say, you bring out the best in me." He muttered, leaning his forehead against hers, and her heart soared.

Within minutes, he'd nodded off to sleep, which left her to watch fondly as he snored, her eyes drooping sleepily. Her anxieties still churned in her brain, always threatening to spill over. Yet, somehow, with this loving and ambitious boy at her side, she got the feeling that they'd be just fine.


End file.
